Yes or No? These are the answers but what is question…
- Do you want to check out the latest RomCom with us? YES, that sounds like so much fun!!!
- Do you have time to dog sit this weekend for me? Absolutely, I never met a dog I didn’t love!
- Can we borrow your car for a month? Hmm, sure, I don’t see why not, we have an extra one.
- Can you help me move this weekend – uhmmm, (silently saying to myself, ugh, it’s so cold out. I DO NOT WANT to, but I find myself saying out loud) ok sure thing…
Living Your Dash
Can you remember the last time you said no to a request from friend or family member? If you’re anything like me, I bet you can’t. I have two reasons why I say “yes” to just about anything and everything. The first reason is because I WANT to try new things and experience as much of this life as possible. I have this saying that a soul sister shared with me many years ago: She told me that we really need to live our dash to its fullest because life is too short (our lives are made up of two dates, birth and death with a dash in between.) But clearly, this post isn’t about the things we WANT to do.
I’m talking about the things asked of you that you just don’t feel like doing, or don’t have the time to do. And it’s reason number 2 that’s a bit more problematic for me. I often find myself saying yes to things I don’t feel like doing because I am someone who often believed(s)* her relationships and friends are contingent in nature. If I say no to things asked of me, my monkey mind tells me “Why would so and so want to be my friend unless I am providing some type of benefit to them?” Of course when I reverse that way of thinking, I can confidently say there isn’t one person that is in my life because of the things they DO for me.
Not.A.Single.One.
So, then, why would I think this about the people I choose to surround myself with? The answer is, I shouldn’t. But how to stop saying yes to things that can grow resentment or anxiety or annoyance? I’ve been working on this of late, but I must admit, I have yet to fully embrace it. And when I ask myself: “Would my life be that much easier if I could just say “no” more often?” The answer is probably no. Many times it’s just the principle of being able to use my no and that’s where the real work comes in. So, if you’re feeling stymied and just cannot find your no, maybe it’s time to try your NO on. As this decade wraps up and a new one arrives, I am making my no a priority; when I say yes – I will authentically mean yes.
Assess your Priorities
To fit in my priorities of family, friendships, Shirley, alone time, education, work, writing, yoga, life coaching, my business, creativity, spouse, kids, teaching or volunteering something’s got to give. Make no mistake, you need to decide these upfront. If you do not prioritize the things that allow you to feel joy, when you say yes to something that doesn’t align with your list, you are saying no to yourself. Take the first step. When asked to do something that you don’t feel like doing, ask yourself – What are my priorities and will this interfere with any of them? You’ll know what to do!
*Yep, I still struggle with my belief – should it be believes, or believed? This is what a true work in progress looks like.